HEY VERN!

 Well, another Analogue Hobbies Painting Challenge is in the books, and I didn't finish these in time to get them entered. C'est la vie; I did phenomenally well for myself this year in the AHPC, having painted 89 figures between December 21st 2025 and March 21st 2026 (and I'm realizing as I go over my spreadsheets that I've missed updating my tracker here on the blog somewhere along the line, so making sure that gets fixed!). I'm very proud of my work and am looking forward to participating again next year. That being said, on to what I've finished today!

If you're over a certain age, you might remember Ernest P. Worrell. A bumbling, accident-prone handyman played by actor Jim Varney, Ernest originated in a series of regional TV ads in the American South - promoting Sprite, Mello Yello, gas station coffee, car dealerships, dentists' offices, ice cream and more. Every ad was filmed from the perspective of Ernest's unseen neighbor "Vern" as Ernest addresses him with a sales pitch. The popularity of these ads was relayed into a series of films in the early 90s, seeing Ernest go to Camp, go to Jail, Save Christmas, and be Scared Stupid. Ernest Scared Stupid was a staple viewing in my childhood and my primary touchstone for the character. Since being reintroduced to Ernest a few years back, it's become a regular Halloween Night watch for me, with Ernest Saves Christmas being mandatory December viewing. 

Well wouldn't you know it, I found a miniature that's the spitting image of Ernest P. Worrell. This is "Skeeter" from Recreational Conflict's "Blitzkringle" line of Christmas-themed miniatures. The grin is a little uncanny, but is not a terrible effort at capturing Jim Varney's rubberfaced brand of comedy. 

And here's a clip for those unfamiliar.

Moving on...

Next up we've got three Boy Scouts from Reaper Miniatures' metal Chronoscope range. These are tiny sculpts! 

We've got a skinny kid in shorts, a fat kid in shorts and a skinny kid in slacks. I was never a Boy Scout, so I had to do some research on uniform colors. Hopefully I'm not on some watch list now for googling "Boy Scout Uniforms."

Finally, we have a 1973 Mustang Mach 1 from Miniature Tanks Company. This is a single piece 3D print, painted with "The Floor is Lava" colorshift paint from Turbodork for a bit of extra pizzazz. I'm really enjoying the modern vehicles I've gotten from them, and am looking forward to ordering more for my table.

So let's update the tracker and get it correct this time!

Miniatures Acquired: 57

Miniatures Painted: 86

Terrain Acquired: 0

Terrain Painted: 2

Scatter Acquired: 0

Scatter Painted: 2

Geeks!

 Another installment of the Analogue Hobbies Painting Challenge draws to a close, ending in just a few days; but I've posted my last figures for it. I don't have time to start and finish any more figures before things close.

So I've ended this year's participation with a charming trio of sculpts from Reaper Miniatures. These are "Modern Townsfolk: Geeks" from their metal Chronoscope line.

They're pretty simple sculpts with sedate poses and not a lot in the way of accessories, so were a pretty nice, quick paint job. The biggest challenge I faced was that when I went to paint the woman's hair, the turquoise base I used was really thin, and capillary action carried it into the lines of her face, which I'd already painted! Some of the detail was lost when I had to quickly paint back over her suddenly blue skin.

The big guy in the middle seems like he was probably based off the Simpsons' "Comic Book Guy," with his shorts, physique and ponytail, so I opted for different colors. I got a real kick out of his soda bottle (painted as Mountain Dew for accuracy), and the sculpting on his face was large and open enough that I was able to comfortably paint his eyes.

In other news...

With the number of games of Majestic 13 I've been playing, I put together a spreadsheet of the monsters in the game, and color-coded it based on what I had figures for (painted), figures for (not yet painted), and no figures for yet, and it turned out that, other than some of the special missions figures, I only needed to buy five more monsters to cover everything in the game. So I've gone on eBay and Etsy and picked out a few more critters.

And with that, I think it's time to update the tracker:

Miniatures Acquired: 57

Miniatures Painted: 79

Terrain Acquired: 0

Terrain Painted: 2

Scatter Acquired: 0

Scatter Painted: 1

Majestic 13: Operation Nightfall

 Hank scrolled through the information on the tablet. With the Lieutenant being held for continued observation following the last mission, it fell to him to lead the Last Liners on this mission. He ran a hand affectionately over the M249 SAW that the Lieutenant had set him up with upon recruitment. "Well, girl," he said to the gun, "looks like we're not done yet." Pulling out the burner phone, he thumbed a message into the group chat.

"New job. Higher-ups call it a Benzith Night Bringer - fast and sneaky fucker. Neurotoxin in its claws disrupt optical processing, blinding anyone even scratched by it. It's also psionic - inducing psychosomatic blindness. We're running short-handed today, so please stay alert and use as much cover as you can. Meet me at the following coordinates..."

***

Gina said "Do you want to get another game in today?" and since I had nothing else pressing to do today, and my next mission for Majestic 13 was already rolled up, I decided that yes, yes I did. With the Lieutenant forced to sit out this mission, and Maria taking a -2 to all rolls this game due to emotional trauma, I knew I was in for an uphill battle. But there was cause for hope: the Benzith Night Bringer isn't a physically robust monster to begin with, relying on stealth and attacking from ambush. Additionally, the Bureaucracy roll for this mission came up "Enemy Intel Overstated" - while the Jel Brute earlier this week had all of its stats increased by 3, the Benzith Night Bringer would have all of its stats reduced by 3. Finally, the secondary mission came up "Medical Recovery" - there would be three objectives around the table that would heal figures that came into contact with them for 1D6+2 hit points. 

It crossed my mind while playing the last game that I don't utilize the interiors of my model buildings that much, despite the amount of work I put into detailing said interiors, so with that in mind I decided that this game, with it being an urban mission, I'd spend as much time inside buildings as possible. 

The available Last Liners - Hank II, Becky, Sarah-Jane and Maria II - deployed inside several buildings, while the Benzith Night Bringer appeared lurking in the shadow of the container office, just visible beyond the chainlink fence in the above photo. Hank rested his SAW on the counter of the fireworks stand, waiting for the creature to show itself. Unfortunately, the Night Bringer spotted him before he spotted it and it pounced, slithering through the open window of the fireworks stand.

Long, stiletto claws flicked out, easily slipping past Hank's protective gear. His vision dimming from the neurotoxin, Hank squeezed the trigger, blazing away in hopes of hitting the monster. (Rules as written, while Blinded, Hank shouldn't be able to target the monster, but with it being within arm's reach of him and him having a machine gun, I decided he could shoot with disadvantage. He failed to hit.)

Meanwhile, the three women on the team sprinted through buildings and across alleyways, seeking vantage points to shoot at the creature and to put themselves in position to seize medical objectives.

The Night Bringer lashed out with its claws again, but failed to slice through Hank's coat; rather than linger longer and allow itself to be targeted, it skittered away, seeking the shadows beneath another building, becoming Hidden.

Blinking to clear his vision, Hank leapt out of the fireworks stand and gave chase, spotting and spraying the creature with hot lead. Screeching, the Night Bringer tackled him, clawing and biting. His vision again went black.

Maria and Becky moved into position and took pot shots at the creature as Hank, blinded, tried to shield himself as best he could from the monster's lacerating attacks. The creature's claws found his throat, however; a critical hit! And...uh oh. 

The Night Bringer successfully critically hit an enemy that is Blinded, for an extra 6D6 damage. And with the damage Hank had already taken, even if I rolled nothing but 1s, it would have been more than enough damage to put him Out of Action.

"Shit!" Maria swore as she watched Hank slump to the ground. "Becky! Sarah-Jane! We gotta focus!" She called out. The creature lurched back into hiding.

Maria and Becky seized the first two objectives, while Sarah-Jane closed in on the third.

Unfortunately, the Night Bringer appeared from around the corner, lashing out with a spray of claws. Bleeding, Sarah-Jane managed to resist blindness, and the creature quickly darted away again.

From her vantage point above the dispensary, Maria was able to spot the creature lurking. "Got you, puto," she whispered, keying in a request for an air strike. In a moment, the Night Bringer was engulfed in chemical fire.

Sarah-Jane seized the last objective, ripping open antiseptic packs and applying the stinging solution to the wounds as Becky squeezed off a few rounds at the monster.

Hissing, the Night Bringer compressed its rubbery body and forced its way into the gas station through a broken window, waves of psychic energy reaching out to Sarah-Jane and Becky, attempting to psionically disable their vision and failing. Maria and Becky closed in, shooting at the monster through the gas station windows, while Sarah-Jane fired repeatedly from the hip, but to no avail; the need to preserve OPSEC forced the Last Liners into retreat, despite Sarah-Jane's last shot sending the monster into Extremis. The mission ended with the Benzith Night Bringer still alive, if badly injured.

So that didn't go as bad as it could have! Other than Hank being put out of action, everyone else was either entirely unharmed, or had regained any lost hit points. Every time the Night Bringer used its psychic powers to try and spread blindness over an area, the Last Liners made their saves, avoiding blindness and physical harm, so it was really only its basic claw attacks that were dealing most of its damage (and blindness). All in all, I'm happy with how this game went. I'm also pleased to say that figures entered or at least passed through every single building except the ramen restaurant. And every building on this table had a detailed interior. 

Rolling into the post-game phase...

Hank II recovered completely from his injuries and will be fine for the next mission. Maria II loses the trauma condition she had giving her penalties for this game. 

The team gained enough XP for Sarah-Jane and Becky to boost their Fortitude stat, and Hank II and Maria II both boosted Combat. They also successfully requisitioned an extra set of body armor, which will be given to either Becky or Maria (not sure which yet). I also got another base upgrade.

The Lieutenant still looked pale, but stood tall and strong, a cocky grin on his face.

"You're going to like this," he said, with a slight cough and a wince. "Drumroll, please."

Awkwardly, Becky and Sarah-Jane started making a drumroll sound, with Maria and Hank slowly joining in. They stood in front of a storage unit as the Lieutenant pulled out the key with a flourish. Unlocking the door, he ushered the other four members of his cell inside before turning on the light.

"Holy shit," Hank said softly.

"Hell yeah, now this is what I'm talking about!" Maria added excitedly. 

The storage unit was lined with racks of weapons - pistols, rifles, machine guns, and more. In the back, a workbench and machines most of the Last Liners couldn't identify, but quickly understood to be useful for gunsmithing.

"I called in a favor while I was convalescing," the Lieutenant said, his voice unusually cheerful. "This little candy shop is ours for the foreseeable future. Now, who wants a beer and some dum-dum rounds?"

Majestic 13: Operation Smash & Grab

 "Alright kids, we've got an easy one today. We've got to clean out a green box hidden in a trailer park scheduled for demolition, but a big ugly's been spotted in the vicinity. Good- Yeah, Beck, what is it?"

Becky put her hand down. "What's a green box?" She asked.

The Lieutenant stubbed out his cigarette and shook his head. "Guess you don't get a 'welcome to the conspiracy' orientation session. Green boxes are caches of supplies for us to use against FORCE, hidden in plain sight. Storage units, bus depot lockers, even the trunk of a car in long-term storage. Something nobody's gonna think to look at too closely. Anyways, good news is the big ugly's what the boys upstairs calls a 'Jel Brute' - hits like a bus and about as smart. No energy weapons, just fists the size of engine blocks. Keep out of its reach and you'll be just fine."

***

Another standard mission for the Last Liners today - facing a Jel Brute, with "Gear Retrieval" as the secondary mission. Two gear markers are placed in the centers of the two quadrants making up the enemy side of the board, and my agents have to touch both to complete the secondary mission. The "Bureaucracy" complication though, is "Mission Intel Understated" - the Jel Brute's stats are all raised by 3 from the standard profile. It's also a "Wilderness" mission, which means the Last Liners don't get the bonus to initiative that they get in "Urban" missions and get a penalty to calling for aid. 

Gear cache #1

Gear cache #2

As the Last Liners deployed, the Jel Brute raised its eyeless head, fleshy tendrils waving as it sniffed the air. With a belching bellow, it leapt down off the trailer porch and barreled at Maria at top speed, slamming into her with both fists, leaving her stunned.

The Lieutenant cursed. This thing was even bigger than the mission briefing had suggested; easily two tons of muscle and fangs. He fired a shot into it, but the bullet barely penetrated the Brute's thick hide. Hank darted to a more advantageous firing position and unloaded into the creature, scoring a critical hit.

Sprayed with lead from the LMG, the Brute squealed and screeched - and brought its supersized fists down on Maria again and again, beating the woman into the ground. Bringing her pistol up, Maria put a round in the creature's gut before rolling out of the way and to her feet, and darting away from the monster's grasping hands. She knew she couldn't take another hit like that.

Ignoring the monster for the moment, Becky made a mad dash for the nearest supply cache. 

Sarah-Jane snapped off a shot at the monster, and got rewarded by it charging towards her, leaping over a wrecked car and bringing its massive fists down on her.

The second turn began with a FUBAR event - "Errant Drone Strike." Munitions fire rained down on Becky's location. "Ah! Ahh! Motherfu- DO I LOOK LIKE THE MONSTER?" She screamed at the sky. Undeterred by what was happening across the trailer park, the Jel Brute activated again, leaping high into the air and slamming both fists into the ground, producing a rippling shockwave; the Lieutenant managed to brace against it, but Sarah-Jane succumbed to the punishing strikes.

The Lieutenant darted inside the trailer, taking cover behind a window before sniping the monster and rolling a critical hit. The round creased the Brute's skull, sending shards of chitin flying. Screeching, the creature spun, trying to determine where the shot came from, but unable to spot the Lieutenant.

Enraged, the creature spotted Hank and charged him. Hank tried to brace himself, but the beast slammed him into the side of the trailer, almost putting him through the wall. With a gasp, Hank's vision went dark.

Hearing the slamming of monstrous fists against aluminum siding, Maria dashed wildly for the last supply cache. "Air support! For the love of god, air support!" She screamed into the burner phone. A message of acknowledgement crackled, and a drone streaked across the sky, blazing away at the Jel Brute.

Becky rounded the trailer, moving towards cover and squeezing off a shot at the monster - and missing. The shot drew the creature's attention, and the Jel Brute charged, trampling her into the dirt.

For those keeping track at home, it's the end of turn 2 and the monster has put three of my five agents Out of Action. 

Sniffing the air, the Jel Brute locked on to the Lieutenant, forcing its enormous bulk into the trailer to attack. The gray-bearded agent stood firm against the creature's slamming fists, then fired a shot from the hip before throwing himself out the window and making a run across the park.

I don't use the interiors of my buildings enough in games.

Unfortunately, the creature followed, squeezing its body out the window and half-running, half-rolling after him. Catching him, the creature rolled over the Lieutenant, crushing him. 

"Hey, you fat piece of shit!" Maria barked, rounding the trailer. Leveling her pistol, she fired at the Brute. It turned, snarling, and thundered towards her. The last thought she had before blackness overtook her was, "Fuck it, what's getting cloned again?"

***

MAJ. 13 EXTRACTION NOTICE

At approximately 1430 hours, team code-named "Last Liners" experienced catastrophic failure in dealing with entity code-named "Jel Brute." All agents incapacitated. Clean-up team dispatched. Upon arrival entity was nowhere to be seen. Agents retrieved and taken to [REDACTED] for medical examination. All agents survived encounter with entity, however some cause for concern remains. 

Agent known as "The Lieutenant" determined to be suffering from lingering wounds likely related to organ trauma sustained when attacked by entity. Recommended for continued observation and recovery. Agent Rebecca [REDACTED] experienced neurological trauma; further testing suggests minor cognitive and reflex deterioration. Independent examination by Dr. [REDACTED] clears her for continued field-work. Agent Maria [REDACTED], second iteration, shows sign of post-traumatic stress disorder. Psychological testing suggests she may also be experiencing Clone Identity Dysphoria and questioning her sense of self. Cleared for field-work, but continued observation recommended in case condition worsens. Agents Henry "Hank" [REDACTED], second iteration, and Sarah-Jane [REDACTED] are considered to be recovering well and cleared to return to field-work with no reservations. 

***

Ouch! I knew I'd been really lucky with the Last Liners in previous games and that that luck couldn't last forever. I also knew, once I'd rolled up this mission, that the odds were slightly stacked against me; a Wilderness mission took away the initiative bonus I got in Urban missions, and the Jel Brute was bigger and tougher than normal. 

While the Team Rating did not increase, because my entire team was put Out of Action, I did get some XP and I did get the opportunity to requisition some additional gear. 

The Lieutenant had enough XP to boost his Acuity stat for when he returns to play; he has to miss the next mission while under observation for those questionable wounds. Sarah-Jane and Maria both boosted their Dexterity stat by 1. Becky's injury reduced her Combat skill by 1, but she was able to use the XP she'd accumulated to negate the reduction, so her Combat score remains 14. 

The Last Liners have successfully requisitioned a case of flashbang grenades and syringes of adrenaline for battlefield use. They've also successfully connected their base to a human resources database; this means, if one of the Last Liners dies and cannot be cloned, any new recruits they bring on start at a higher level than they would normally. 

So the Last Liners will have at least one more mission (and I'm anticipating it being a particularly challenging one with the Lieutenant sidelined) before they once again face the soldiers of FORCE in a special mission. What they're fighting next remains to be determined. 

Modern Civilian, Vehicle, and... Dear God what is that?

 A few odds and ends I've painted this week; I've slowed down a bit on the painting because I'm hitting the limits of my ability to store painted figures, which isn't the worst problem to have, but I really need to invest in some more storage. However, I have finished a few things.

Two things I want more of on my modern, urban skirmish tables are civilians and vehicles, and to start on both, I've painted "3 Card Monte Guy," a resin 3D print from Miniature Building Authority, and a 1980 Volkswagen Vanagon from Miniature Tanks, a company that offers an amazingly wide array of 3D printed vehicles in a variety of scales.

3 Card Monte Guy arrived in four pieces - a body, two arms (attaching at the sleeves) and the stack of boxes. I kept things fairly simple - blue shirt, white slacks, alligator leather shoes. His face is expressive and took a wash really nicely, and I'm pleased I got the ace of spades painted on the card in his right hand.

The Vanagon was a single-piece FDM print; there's some visible print lines, but for the price point and my needs it works just fine. I copied the burnt orange color scheme with the white roof off a photo found on a Google Image Search, and I added white trim around the windows to add a little extra pop. 

Next up, the first of the "Zombicide: Invader" monsters I bought off a guy on Bluesky last month. This is the "Babyface Abomination," painted up as the threat for my next game of Majestic 13. I used spot washes and contrast paint over white primer to get most of the colors down, then drybrushed to smooth out some blotchiness and went back for tidying and detailing. The blue spikes/shell and the teeth and nails were the only things done entirely without contrast paints. 

"Hey pal, them's the breaks. Wanna try again?"

He's a pretty hefty beast, standing on a 50mm base. And with that, let's update the tracker:

Miniatures Acquired: 52

Miniatures Painted: 76

Terrain Acquired: 0

Terrain Painted: 2

Scatter Acquired: 0

Scatter Painted: 1

Hot Dog!

 A little bit of terrain today - not totally done, but as done as it's going to get until the guy I get 3D printed stuff from comes home from vacation. 

This is a "Whataburger" stand from Things From The Basement, part of their new "Americana" range of 20th century American buildings. It's a beautifully engineered kit, everything fit perfectly with minimal sanding, and frankly it's got the best door hinge I've yet encountered on any MDF kit. Joerg at TFTB really designs wonderful kits. 

I went with a dark brown exterior with red trim, based on the aesthetic of a hot dog place I worked at when I was 17-18 years old. We've got a local chain and I still go in pretty regularly for a dog and a milkshake. The sign over the front window is one that Joerg provided for the kit. 

On the inside, I glued down some printed paper with a tile floor design I got from Sarissa Precision.

I printed handwashing and exit signs and glued those to the wall, and painted a 3D printed fire extinguisher I had left over from another kit before gluing it to the wall. 

The windows are plastic acetate sheet, cut to fit and glued to the walls with PVA glue prior to varnishing. The varnish gives it a cloudy, dirty look, which helps show off that I cut it to leave the window people would pay and receive their food through open. 

The kit does come with two picnic tables, which I have yet to paint.

Once Dave gets back from vacation, I've got STLs of a grill, fryer, industrial refrigerator and outdoor trash can to print. I think that'll give me the perfect balance between a detailed and a playable interior. 

And that gives me another piece of terrain for the tracker:

Miniatures Acquired: 52

Miniatures Painted: 74

Terrain Acquired: 0

Terrain Painted: 2

Scatter Acquired: 0

Scatter Painted: 0