State of the Orc Army, November 2025

 So looking back...I haven't gotten my entire Oldhammer orc and goblin army out on the table since May 2024. I have added a couple of units and big figures to the army since then, and some discussion around Warhammer: The Old World and One Page Rules Regiments with the guys I've been playing Dracula's America with got me inspired to carry everything up from the basement, array it out on the dining room table, and take stock of where I'm at.

This is my midlife crisis, by the way. No sports cars, or giant tattoos, or peroxide-blonde mistresses half my age. No, my midlife crisis is building an all-metal Warhammer army that weighs 30 lbs. The mistress might be less expensive...

First up, the goblins - 39 (plus shaman) with hand weapons, and 20 (plus shaman) with bows, two small units of 5 wolf riders with bows, and a wolf chariot, plus a character riding a wolf. I need to dig out and paint some shields for the hand weapons unit. I've got figures here from Warmonger, Knightmare, Black Tree Design, Midlam Miniatures and Games Workshop; I have another unit of wolf riders from Satyr Art Studios, as well as a couple of frankensteined chariots (including one being ridden by a shaman) in my project box still.

Next up, "Da Red Bastids" - 25 Orcs with hand weapons and shields from Warmonger Miniatures. Behind them are four Bog Trolls sculpted by Drew Williams of Satyr Art Studios years ago; I bought them from him before he sold the molds to the now-defunct Troll Soup Miniatures. I have another four Bog Trolls (purchased from Troll Soup) in my project box.

I better look at the trolls. I would run these as River Trolls in Warhammer, I think. The little runt is from Warmonger Miniatures, and the Empire casualty is a Landsknecht casualty from Warlord Games.

Up next are the Old Guard - this unit is made up almost entirely of eBay rescues, and are all sculpts initially released between 1985 and 1996. Figures here are from Games Workshop, Marauder Miniatures, Alternative Armies and Heartbreaker Miniatures.

Behind them are some artillery pieces - an eBay rescue "Doom Diver" from Games Workshop (I have another, new in box, that a friend found in their attic 20+ years after buying it), and an "Orcquebus" from Warmonger Miniatures that I proxy as a Rock Lobber. 

Up next are the "Kingbreakers" - another unit of Warmonger Orcs. I had two figures on a 25x50 base in the back row that the spaced out movement tray didn't allow me to use, so I've subbed in two orcs I painted for a baggage train. 

Behind them you can see my giant, from Old School Miniatures - I've named him Simon, after the friend who gifted him to me. The runt on the base came with the Doom Diver. 

"The Blackfire Boyz" are "Mercenary Orcs" from Warmonger Miniatures and in some of my favorite orcs that Kev Adams ever sculpted; they're encrusted with detail that brings them to life without bogging down the painting. I've painted them in the colors of Averland, the Imperial Province bordering on the Black Fire Pass and frequent defenders against orc raids in the lore of Warhammer Fantasy. The idea being, they've begun imitating the tactics of their imperial foes, and dressing in uniforms stripped off the dead. This was my first big paper banner (and first time drilling a hand for a 100mm steel flagpole) and I'm still really pleased with how it turned out.

Behind them are kind of an odd unit. These 10 "Barnorsk Great Orcs" I got from Black Tree Design in 2018, and were what initially sparked my desire to build an all-metal orc and goblin army. The paintwork is not up to my current standards and I was never happy with the old Citadel shields I put on them, so I'm not sure I'd put them on the gaming table these days; I have quite a few more (obtained with no small degree of frustration given the issues one has these days trying to buy figures from BTD!) primed and awaiting painting, so the thought is always in the back of my mind to retire these fellows and honor them as the progenitors of the entire project. 

I'm really proud of my Boar Boyz. These are from Knightmare Miniatures, and I did a fair amount of converting on these with weapon swaps, creating a standard bearer, and a musician who has a lute on his back. I'm proud of how many pig jokes I worked in - "Sum Pig," "Pork Chop," "Hog Wild," etc., and the banner is a flying pig. I think the supersized banner didn't work out quite as well this time.

"Harboth's Orc Archers," from 1987. I feel a special affinity to these guys - they first released right around the time I was born. I managed to score a phenomenally good deal on a full box set, plus some extra figures, back in 2020, and doing a full unit of 20 with freehanded face shields and a paper banner felt so satisfying. I think I can honestly say this is my favorite unit in the whole army. They're on a split movement tray so I can readily deploy them in two ranks of 10, or four ranks of 5. 

And then the characters:

I'm still really pleased with the Shaman on Wyvern figure I painted earlier this year. Still have to paint some banners for him though. 

So what's next? I have a half-finished unit of orc boyz with a shaman accompanying them, and two more units primed and waiting their turn, plus a couple chariots primed and awaiting painting/final assembly. Then there's a unit of night goblins that could be primed, more goblin archers, more trolls...I have a lot in the back log. 

I think I got demoralized for a while with this project between not having a nice display cabinet for them and realizing I just wasn't enjoying Warhammer: The Old World. The guys I played with during the summer were nice enough, but having to stop every turn and consult three rulebooks plus an errata document wasn't my idea of a good time and the other guys at the game store were quickly leaning into tournament mindsets, and that's just not me. 

Talking about One Page Rules with the guys I play Dracula's America with felt reinvigorating; I've always treated this project as some blend of actual gameable army and art project, a means of saying "Hey, 14 year old me, we finally have a really cool Warhammer army! We did it!" and I think right now I feel like gaming with them again for the first time in months. And maybe that means I'll finish painting another regiment, maybe some more chariots. Maybe I'll finally get my second orc on wyvern out and assembled in 2026.