Dramatis Personae:
Johann Borscht, Dwarf Fighter 1
Legolas "Mohawk" Jones, Elf Magic-User 1
Manfrey the Magnificent, Human Magic-User 1
Alf the Elf, Elf Thief 1
These four, meeting aboard a caravan wagon, arrive in the boomtown of Devil's Canyon. They find that the town consists of a single main street, lined with general stores, smithies, and the lone tavern in town, a local franchise of the popular tavern chain known as "the Chunderdome." Surrounding this main street was a tangle of alleyways lined with shacks and crude cottages rented or owned by adventurers seeking their fortune.
Sitting down in the Chunderdome with a round of beers, the four listened to the flow of conversations and picked up some news/rumors about the cave complex in the nearby limestone box canyon from which the town took its name.
They learned that a tribe of fierce dog-men are rumored to guard the tomb of a great hero of the Hyperborean empire, a thousand years dead; that a necromancer was rumored to have made his abode in the caves; that the Astrologer Meinrad visits the caves on the nights of the new moon for unknown purposes; and that a month ago, a giant slug with cobra heads for eyestalks emerged from the canyon and almost made it to the gates of nearby Fort Thunder River before being slain.
Discussing these rumors and debating what treasures to pursue in the caves, they decided to check in at the local temple of the Three Sisters -- the goddesses of Healing, Battle and Death, ever-present in the life of every adventurer -- for more guidance. From the warrior-nuns here, they learned a few new rumors: that Nujah the Slayer, greatest of the Hyperborean sword-witches, died in battle in the canyon and her flying sword "Eagleclaw" was never recovered; that Violet Elves from the islands far to the west have been seen gathering poison mushrooms; and that the swamp at the far end of the canyon is infested with zombies.
Legolas Jones also decided to buy a pig and sacrifice it to hir personal god, the ultra-chaotic entity known as "Gary Busey." A ghostly, disembodied giant head of a human male with wild eyes, unkempt hair and oversized teeth appeared, swallowed the pig whole, and intoned, "The past - is history. The future - is mystery. And today's a gift - that's why it's the present. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH!" before vanishing. Legolas was not sure how to interpret this statement, but decided to take it to heart nonetheless.
Connecting the tomb of the Hyperborean hero that's guarded by the dog-men with Nujah the Slayer, one of the greatest warriors of the Iron Empire of Hyperborea, they decided to brave the wrath of the dog-men to try and recover the mystical sword "Eagleclaw." They also decided to try and hire some extra muscle; Manfrey the Magnificent befriended a large barroom tough named Burdo by buying him a beer after accidentally embedding a dart in his forehead, and Legolas jumped up on a table and put a call out for henchmen; from the applicants, she selected Murg, a gruff dwarven warrior, and Asheron, a fairly-intelligent (though still basically an ordinary) Rottweiler in a leather jacket and spiked helmet.
Setting out, about a mile from the canyon they began to hear chanting and bells; rounding a bend in the road as it circled a hill, they came face to face with a band of eight human figures dressed in dark turquoise robes; one of them was waving a staff topped with a brass octopus, and the other seven rang bells. One of them raised a hand to the adventurers, and asked, "Have you heard the good news? Dread Ktulu shall return! Repent and join us, brothers and sister - sister? - sister! Only through worship of Dread Ktulu shall ye be spared, for he shall devour us first!"
Not interested, Legolas blasted the cultists with a Sleep spell, and then walked over and casually slit all their throats. S/he took a cultist robe for hirself, as well as taking a few for Murg and Asheron as well. Manfrey replaced his staff with the octopus-headed staff of the cultists, and the adventurers also discovered that the cultists were carrying about 150 GP between them. Pocketing this, they continued on to the caves.
Having heard that the dog-men inhabited the first cave on the right at ground level, they cautiously entered the cave, Alf on point with a ten foot pole. Suddenly they began to hear a rhythmic thumping from behind them; turning, they saw a half-dozen two-foot-tall humanoid canines, silhouetted against the morning sunlight, their large eyes glowing red. The figures were thumping their spears against their shields menacingly as they advanced.
Thinking quickly, Johann threw a bag of raw hamburger he'd purchased in hopes of distracting the dog-men at the humanoids. They began yipping and yapping among themselves; fortunately, Legolas spoke Yip-Yip and was able to translate. The dog-men, were cheering for Johann, and announcing that "the prophecy has been fulfilled!" It was at this point, as the cheering crowd of Yip-Yips surrounded him, that Johann noticed that they were all wearing belts made out of Hyperborean hacksilver, the currency of the Iron Empire.
It turned out that the Yip-Yips had a prophecy that one day, a giant would come and deliver meat to them. That was it; they weren't particularly imaginative with their prophecies. Having become an honored member and demigod of the Yip-Yip tribe, Johann questioned them closely, through Legolas as translator, about the Hyperborean hero whose tomb they guarded. Their king, the morbidly obese King Yap-Nip, showed them the gnawed remains of ancient bones and a bronze chain shirt, which Manfrey claimed, in order to upgrade Burdo's wardrobe from leather to chain. Asking about a sword, Johann learned that the Yip-Yips' great enemy, the humans in the cave above theirs, had all sorts of swords, including a really shiny, fancy one. These humans often raided the Yip-Yips' food stores, or shot at the Yip-Yips for target practice.
Eager to get his hands on the shiny, fancy sword, Johann rallied the Yip-Yips, along their their menagerie of grotesque, hairless, scaly rat pets, and led them on a daring raid of the cave above.
The assault on the cave proved to be easier than anticipated; the bandits in the cave above were mostly passed out from a heavy debauch the night before; most died without ever waking from their drunken stupor, and only a handful of Yip-Yips were slain in the process - and one of those was killed by a poisonous centipede, not by bandit retaliation.
From objects in the cave, the adventurers deduced that the bandits were deserters from the Ninth Imperial Legion when it left the region. Finding a damaged suit of Imperial plate-mail, a silver-and-ivory-inlaid longsword with an inscription from a wife to a husband, and three large, iron-bound and triple-padlocked walnut chests, Manfrey, Burdo and Alf returned to town to buy a mule and wagon, returning to collect the chests so that Alf could open them at his leisure. They took the sword, not sure if it was the rumored "Eagleclaw" or not, but would investigate more fully later.
Legolas, Johann, Murg and Asheron, meanwhile, cornered the leader of the bandits; Johann severed one of the bandit king's hands, while Legolas disabled his other hand with a thrown knife; finally, Murg conked him over the head with the flat of his axe, and they manacled the bandit king so they could interrogate him later. They also found a chest of solid iron in the bandit's closet, unlocked. Johann opened the chest and then collapsed, paralyzed, from a poison smeared on the edge of the lid. Recovering a minute later, he directed Murg to open the chest; when he did so, a sudden explosion of steel send Murg stumbling backwards.
A life-sized cobra sculpted from iron was sitting on Murg's chest, hissing and bearing hypodermic fangs; the Iron Cobra's attack dislodged Murg's beard, revealing that he was in fact a short human being wearing a big fake beard, and not a true dwarf. Legolas tried shooting the iron cobra with hir crossbow, while Murg struggled and failed to keep the construct from biting him, though he did manage to resist its insidious poison. Finally, Johann's hand shot out and grabbed the cobra behind the head; getting a grip with his other hand, he tore the cobra in half, killing it.
At this point, Alf, Manfrey and Burdo returned with the mule and cart, and they maneuvered the three chests (the one which had contained the iron cobra contained no treasure - it was strictly there to punish interlopers) out of the cave, down the sloping side of the canyon, and on to the cart, heading back to town to celebrate an exceedingly successful first foray into the caves.
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