Return of the Orcs

 Back in December of 2022, I dusted off my Oldhammer Orc army project and began adding to it, with the idea of taking it to a local tournament - Da Boyz GT - here in Rochester in November 2023, which does Warhammer Fantasy Battles 8th Edition alongside Age of Sigmar, 40K, and I believe Blood Bowl. 

In January I got the proverbial legs swept out from under me on the hobby front, and out of that came the decision that I wouldn't bother with Da Boyz. The tournament-minded players I'd encountered up to this point were not people I wanted to pay an admission fee to spend a weekend hunched over tables with, and with my wife being immunocompromised, spending two days in a hotel conference space with strangers - even if I was staying masked - felt like too great a risk. So the orcs went back into storage. 

Last week, I happened to pull some photos of my orcs out to show on a Discord hobby server, got a lot of very enthusiastic comments, and used a few of my orcs and goblins in a solo game. And, talking it over with my wife, I was reminded of why I started this project in the first place. The Oldhammer Orc Army is bigger than a tournament; it's about painting figures that make me happy and proving to myself that I can commit and build an army. It's about 14 year old me walking into a Games Workshop store in 2001 and walking out with a box of Night Goblins, a blister of Fanatics, a half-dozen bottles of paint and an army book with big dreams that he was never able to fulfill before GW nuked the Old World. If they see combat under Fistful of Lead, Warhammer Fantasy Battles, Oathmark, Warlords of Erewhon, Dragon Rampant, Hobgoblin or any other ruleset, so much the better. If they're an art project and I wind up buying a big display case when we're homeowners and they stay on display, that's fine too. But I want to be able to point to them and say, "That's right. I did that. All of them. Infantry, cavalry, chariots, artillery. All me. All by my hand."

So here we are. "Dem Boyz Ova Dere," aka the "Eat Yer Beans" regiment, is back on my table. There's ten figures left to paint to get the unit to 25, and half of those have already been primed. I'm also going to paint a fresh batch of shields so that everyone matches. 

I'm going to finish off that BSB next to them too.

Fistful of Lead Fantasy: "Ambush!"

 It's been a while since my last game, so I decided to get myself organized to play something; I was showing my Oldhammer Orcs off on Discord the other day, and that got me inspired to use them for a Fantasy skirmish. I picked out the Archmage Lutholio to oppose them and a scenario from the second volume of the Fistful of Lead fantasy trilogy and away we went!

The set-up for this scenario is that Archmage Lutholio and his retinue have been hunting the orc warboss Thrashemall Bonegrinder through the dusty hills; when they pause at a bubbling spring to refill their waterskins, Bonegrinder's mob sprung out at them from ambush. Notably, Bonegrinder himself was held in reserve.

 

ARCHMAGE LUTHOLIO'S RETINUE (Group Trait: Fearless)

• Archmage Lutholio (Leader; Spellcaster, Cunning, Impervious), armed with a Sword and Staff 
• Captain Arnulf von Grenzstadt (Sergeant; Brute, Determined), armed with a Sword, Shield and Heavy Armor
• Hans (Regular; Cunning), armed with a Sword, Shield and Light Armor
• Franz (Regular; Thundering Charge), armed with a Sword, Shield and Light Armor 
• Halfling Scouts (Rabble; Deadeye, Small, Slippery), armed with Bows

 

BONEGRINDER'S MOB (Group Trait: Bloodthirsty)

 

• Warboss Thrashemall Bonegrinder (Leader; Veteran, Inspiring, Fearsome Appearance), armed with a Sword, Shield, Heavy Armor and riding a Warboar
• Wyrdboy Oldgit Finkem (Sergeant; Spellcaster, Cunning), armed with a Sword and Staff
• Bogloaf Gunderstank (Regular; Ferocious) armed with a Two-Handed Axe and Light Armor
• Zagrot Scabknees (Regular; Solid as a Rock) armed with a Sword, Shield and Light Armor
• Foamin Mad Arsegit (Regular; Flurry of Blows) armed with a Club, Shield and Light Armor
• Goblin Rabble (Rabble; Ranger, Small, Slippery) armed with Bows 

Activating first, Lutholio threw a fireball at the goblin rabble, incinerating one of the little blighters and sending the other two scurrying for cover. Not to be outdone, Oldgit Finkem waved his staff and summoned heavy clouds, bathing the battlefield in darkness. Zagrot Scabknees leapt out of cover to attack Hans, while the first turn saw everyone else more or less moving into position.  One of the surviving goblins fired a shot at Lutholio, putting a Shock token on the wizard.

 

Turn two is where things started to get interesting. Lutholio tried to recover from Shock and rolled a "1," meaning he routed off the battlefield entirely. Not only did this not bode well for the rest of his retinue, but it also meant that the orcs couldn't get the victory points for killing him. 

 

Zagrot found himself fighting Hans and Franz, and getting wounded. Bogloaf rushed Captain Arnulf, which didn't go well for him; the Captain immediately Shook Bogloaf, then activated and attacked again, wounding the orc. Oldgit Finkem kept his spell of darkness going for a second round, keeping ranged attacks limited. Foamin Mad Arsegit charged the Captain as well, with no better results than Bogloaf had. 

At the beginning of Turn 3, Thrashemall charged onto the battlefield, immediately trampling one of the halflings into paste. Captain Arnulf stepped over Foamin Mad's carcass and finished off Bogloaf Gunderstank. Oldgit Finkem, allowing the darkness spell to dissipate, cast "Lightning Bolt" on Captain Arnulf, frying him instantly. Zagrot, down and getting kicked repeatedly by Hans and Franz, managed to crawl away and route off the table. 

 

The next few rounds are a little samey-samey; Hans and Thrashemall stay locked in combat for a bit, while Hans darts off to challenge Oldgit; the remaining halflings squabble with the remaining goblins. I will say that Hans really held his own against the orc warboss for a lot longer than I expected he would, and managed to score a few hits of his own before being gutted and stomped into the ground. 

 

Hans made short work of Oldgit Finkem once he managed to close into melee with the orc spellcaster, and the remaining halflings finish off the goblins before one of them routed from shock and the other got run down by Thrashemall. At the end it came down to Hans versus Thrashemall, and when the dust settled, Thrashemall was fleeing the battlefield as fast as his pig could carry him. 

In the final tally of victory points (counting each group of Rabble as only 1 point), the Wizard's Retinue scored 10 VP, while the orcs scored 3. But with Lutholio fleeing the table at the first sign of actual danger and leaving his men to die in his absence, we'll see how long it is until the Tower of the Archmage is under new management.

Guard House (Sarissa Precision)

 I received a couple of MDF kits from Sarissa Precision in 2021 as part of the Brush Wielders Union Secret Santa program that year; I built one, a helipad, pretty early in 2022. This week I've built the next one in order of perceived complexity of the kit - a dandy little guard house from Sarissa's WWII range, which I'll be using in modern-set games of Fistful of Lead or Perilous Tales.

 

 

I built and painted the kit in sub-assemblies before completing the assembly and putting some final touches on it. The slots on the roof have been filed to make it easier to pop the roof on and off so that I can easily use the interior as a playable space. I'll be picking up some printable acetate sheets to fill in the windows, and I've ordered an assortment of furnishings to let this building serve multiple purposes - meth lab, hostage storage, or just the leasing office for a scummy trailer park. All in all I think you can expect to see this little piece in a lot of AARs going forward.

GI Joe: Operation Pop Goes The Weasel

 Episode Setup: An experimental Cobra aircraft has been shot down. The pilot - that back-shooting low down snake in the grass code-named Wild Weasel - ejected with the full records of the aircraft's instrumentation data, landing in an isolated, mountain valley containing the ruins of a village destroyed by a forest fire 20 years ago, as well as a more recently abandoned miner's cabin. A GI Joe team led by Warrant Officer Flint has arrived to take Wild Weasel into custody along with the information he's carrying. Cobra arms dealer Destro has likewise arrived with a Cobra team to retrieve Wild Weasel and his precious cargo. Both teams need to locate the wily pilot first. 

 

GI JOE (Team Trait: Cool-Headed)

• Flint (Leader; Sixth Sense, Steady, Encouraging), armed with a Shotgun
• Snake Eyes (Specialist; Brawler, Flurry of Blows), armed with a SMG and Katana
• Lady Jaye (Regular; Dodge), armed with a Pistol and Exposive Javelins
• Spirit (Regular; Eagle-Eyed), armed with an Automatic Rifle
• Lifeline (Regular; Medic), armed with a Pistol and carrying a Medi-Pack

 

COBRA (Team Trait: Tactical)

• Destro (Leader; Tactician, 9 Lives, Cunning), armed with a Pistol
• The Baroness (Specialist; Smart, Dodge), armed with a Pistol
• Storm Shadow (Specialist; Swordsman, Street Fighter), armed with two Katanas
• Scar-Face (Regular; Slippery) armed with a Pistol
• Cobra Troopers (Grunt Group; Tough as Nails) armed with Automatic Rifles

 

Both teams immediately began to fan out - Flint and Lady Jaye heading for the old miner's cabin, Destro, the Baroness and Scar-Face moving towards the burned village, Spirit and Lifeline heading towards the forest. Snake Eyes, Storm Shadow and the Cobra Troopers heading towards the bridge. Before long, the two ninjas met, blades clashing. 

Flint quickly realized that Wild Weasel hadn't chosen the cabin as his hideout, and Destro, to his frustration, could not find him in the ruined village. A nameless Cobra Trooper fired a round at Lady Jaye, sending her diving for cover, and she returned fire with an explosive javelin. 

"What is a port-a-potty even doing out here?"

Spirit and Lifeline quickly discovered that Wild Weasel was hiding in the forest; the Cobra pilot sprung up, shooting Spirit (a Wound) and Lifelife (Shock). As Lifeline tended to Spirit's injury, Wild Weasel made a run for it.

Snake Eyes put Storm Shadow down with a wound, leaping over him to engage with other Cobras; the Baroness shot Flint square in the chest, putting him Out of Action. As Snake Eyes closed with the Baroness, Storm Shadow rose to his feet and gave chase. Snake Eyes put another Wound on him, and was then in turn shot in the back by the Baroness. Managing to shake off his Wound, Snake Eyes entered melee with the Baroness, but weakened by blood loss, got pushed back as the Cobra intelligence agent made her escape.

 

Scar-Face, seizing the opportunity, gunned Snake Eyes down. 

Spirit tried to shoot the fleeing Wild Weasel, putting a Shock token on him, and got shot at in turn by Destro, taking another Wound. Lifeline performed first aid on Spirit again, and Spirit shot at Destro now - again, only putting a Shock token on him. 

At this point, deciding that escaping with Wild Weasel and his satchel of data was worth more to Cobra than finishing off the Joes, the Cobra team retreated off the board; down two Troopers, but considering that a worthwhile trade off for having taken Flint and Snake Eyes out of commission for the time being.